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Is the Marriage safe without Premartial Counsel

March 24, 2016 | Author: | Posted in religion and theology

Is Marriage Safe without Premarital Counseling

The importance of Premarital Counseling

The emphasis of Premarital Counseling is on the helping of couples handle marital distress and ultimately the ending of a marriage . The general overall purpose and structure ‘ is to identify what participants perceive are attractive and positive characteristics /tools in premarital prevention approaches , i .e . characteristics , content , and s such as communication , finances , and problem solving . These are some of the most important elements of premarital counseling to couples .In general counseling , a review of a starting marriage , family and [banner_entry_middle]

premarital counseling addresses the extent of a premarital couple ‘s expectations regarding their relationship and future marriage

Suggestions are presented on how best to bolster efforts to deal with the seriousness of a couple ‘s marital future . Usually the marital counselor or in the case of a religious couple , the pastor , attempts to approach the task with realistic objectives based in the recognition that the strength of the counseling relationship is a mutual agreement on what ‘s important . In many cases , this may be the most significant aspect of the advice provided

Traditionally , premarital counseling is performed most often by members of clergy in religious settings . A secular review suggests that other professionals found provide the most helpful aspects of premarital counseling . They felt their suggestions for practitioners to be more beneficial in premarital counseling sessions held by professional counselors (Bruhn , 2004 , 389

Although engaged individuals are the primary consumers of premarital counseling , no previous substantial research has explored their perceptions regarding marriage preparation . Contemporary Family Therapy , Premarital counseling : A needs assessment among engaged individuals (December 29 , 2004 ) by Lee M . Williams reports what engaged individuals believe are the important areas to address when preparing couples for marriage . Ironically , the issues haven ‘t changed that much from the basics of finances , home and children . However , concerns of infidelity and drug abuse are issues of concern now . It also explores other attitudes and preferences that engaged individuals have toward marriage preparation

Places for Premarital Counseling

Should state governments be in the business of promoting marriage engineering by counseling ? If so , what kinds of policies and programs should they offer ? Some states have gone so far to enact covenant marriage laws . In Arizona , Arkansas , and Louisiana , the laws provide couples who apply for marriage licenses the option of a covenant marriage contract , which requires them to take premarital counseling by a counselor or clergy , seek counseling before applying for a marriage license (Parke , Ooms , 2002 , pg2

Even with premarital counseling readily available , relatively few couples seek formal preparation . Commentary attributes the problem of lack of participation with the programs themselves . The programs were designed and structured by the providers , i .e . politicians , not by the customers whom will use them

Counseling : Happy Lasting Marriages

Needs of marriage and family living have to be considered in

relation to the times in which they are observed . They are determined by cultural attitudes as well as by world events . They often reflect the conflict between former established family patterns geared to an earlier economy and the needs of today ‘s rapidly changing social scene . The transition from an established , to a new and as yet untried , value system constitutes one of the most important challenges that marriage faces today (Karpf , 1958 , pg 21

Without comprehensive historical data confirming premarital counseling it ‘s difficult to quantify today ‘s success or failure . Clearly , the divorce rate dramatically increased over the last 50 years . However the approach taken , if it has any real effect , is to serve the men and women who come to for consultation . There is an attempt to recognize the needs of each couple and to cultivate an approach that will win confidence and cooperation , and that mantra has not changed . In any work with men and women who seek help it is essential to

understand and recognize their needs . Whether that approach translates into long term happy marriages is impossible to determine . The approach to the problems of marriage and family life is often exceedingly difficult . The men and women who come to us seeking counsel and guidance are as a rule disturbed , distressed , and bewildered . Most of these men and women hope for and even expect a confirmation of their own opinion and position in the case , and they are disappointed when we venture to disagree or disapprove (Goldstein , 1945 , pg 193

In the Christian marriage , premarital counseling is very important . One spouse could be Catholic and the other is Baptist . In the beginning neither realized how difficult it would be . Even something as simple as finding a church home , they could attend together becomes a challenge Marriage , with or without Christian premarital counseling , is a challenging adventure

However Christian counseling points out how it can be both rewarding and fulfilling if it is characterized by unconditional commitment and sacrificial love . Currently , a little over half of all first marriages end in divorce . Sadly , couples that marry without having premarital counseling are at much higher risk of divorce . Those who have prepared for marriage by getting some secular (non-Christian ) premarital counseling are better off than those who have had no preparation for marriage at all (Christian Premarital Counseling , 2006

Ecclesiastes 4 :12 , If a man prevails against one who is alone , two shall withstand him and a threefold cord is not quickly broken Christian premarital counseling prepares a couple seeking marriage to enter into a relationship based upon sacrificial love for one another and to place the needs of others before the needs of self . As part the union , the couple is encouraged to include Jesus Christ as the third party ‘ or third cord ‘ in the marriage . When martial bliss is interrupted with the struggles common to any marriage , it is the belief in God that will strengthen the union

At the root of many of these problems is pride . Alone or married , one often believes they can solve their own problems . This can be aggravating in a marriage , especially when one spouse recognizes a need for help and the other refuses . Christian counseling trains the couple self examine , Test your own selves , whether you are in the faith . Test your own selves . Or don ‘t you know as to your own selves , that Jesus Christ is in you ?-unless indeed you are disqualified ‘ 2 Corinthians 13 :5 . This principle would also include marriages , so if there are issues that need resolution , counseling is a godly choice

Although Christian counselors often use skills from the field of secular psychology and counseling , they recognize that the Bible , not psychology , is the final authority

Secular and Christian pre-marital counseling share the same desire to help young couples before they undertake a life changing journey

Most secular counselors have graduate degrees and have spent many academic and clinical years learning and practicing their profession Their secular approach focuses on advising and encouragement , sharing wisdom and skills , setting goals , resolving conflict , etc

Secular counselors usually probe the past (whether the problem happened a week ago or during childhood ) in an attempt to repair the present

Sometimes they explore possible affects of physical and chemical imbalances that can cause physiological problems . A major part of counseling is resolving and restoring conflicts between people

Overall pre-marriage counseling that teach specific skills reduce the divorce rate . And of course , like all things , advice and support vary But the less , it is wise to recognize that premarital counseling is another tool in life , not the comprehensive answer . Unfortunately , the majority of couples wait until they ‘re married and the relationship is advancing to another stage

Proactive , intentional preparation is much less costly and so much more effective . Planning a wonderful a wonderful life together is great , but a preparation from the stare will advance the success in a marriage , and that is at least as important as anything else

Essentially , when professional or religious assistance is available to help those at any age find meaning and joy in a new married life , it is a wise decision to heed the voices of experience . In the final analysis , the true purpose is to become a physically and healthy well-adjusted emotionally stable couple

References

D . Michael Bruhn , The Family Journal , Vol . 12 , No . 4 , 389-391 (2004

Lee M . Williams , HYPERLINK “http /www .springerlink .com /content /1573-3335 ” Contemporary Family Therapy , Premarital counseling : A needs assessment among engaged individuals (2004

Mary Parke , Theodora Ooms More Than a Dating Service ? State Activities Designed to Strengthen and Promote Marriage , 2002 , page 2

Maurice J . D . Karpf , Marriage Counseling : A Casebook . Association Press 1958 . Page Number : 21

Sidney E . Goldstein , Marriage and Family Counseling : A Manual for Ministers , Doctors , Lawyers , Teachers , Social Workers , and Others Engaged in Counseling Service . New York . 1945 . Page Number : 193

Ecclesiastes 4 :12 , Old Testament

2 Corinthians 13 :5 , New Testament

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